So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
