I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
