we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize