Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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