How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
