dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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