i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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