I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
