You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Randomize
