I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
