Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
