I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
