She's JV to your varsity
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
