Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
