my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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