I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
