At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize