You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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