The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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