Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
