There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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