i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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