I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
