I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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