hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
