Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
