you traded sex for a burrito?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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