my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
