never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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