dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
