So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
