I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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