I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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