bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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