I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
