I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
