Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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