Nicole vs. Life
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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