from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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