Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
