I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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