wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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