My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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