my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
