omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
