I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
