Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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