He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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