I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
