he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
