Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
