1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
