I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
