I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just send me my own nude
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
