I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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