And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
