watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
