I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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