I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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