can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
