Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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