I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Pooping to opera.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
